Just call me "The Donald",

or, actually, don't.

My kids think, because I have this amazing capacity for pulling out old wadded dollar bills from my purse just when they need sour straws at the concession stand, that I have an inexhaustible source of cash. They are smart enough NOT to think the same of their father, but even though I claim poverty on a regular basis, they still stick their hands out and more often than not get a "wee bit of change" here and there. Their dad? His favorite phrase is, "Ask your mother."

Wee bit of change is the operative phrase. I seldom have more than that wadded up dollar, or several coins, or....if I'm really lucky and have changed purses...sometimes something foreign that MIGHT work in a vending machine (nah...). Just yesterday, Rowdy found a book while we perused Borders that he just had to have. It was $24.95. He casually asked me to buy it for him as if I ALWAYS shell out $25.00 for complete tomes on all things Star Wars. Excuse me? That's bordering on "you might get it for Christmas if you're really lucky" territory. I said, "no" nicely-through-gritted-teeth-while-giving-him-my-are-you-insane-stare, and dug around in my purse for 89 cents to buy him a McDonald's cone later. Eighty-nine cents is just below my upper limit of spending a dollar on kid requests. This used to include things like, "Would you like to make a dollar?" (mad glee all around..."Yes! Yes!") and then I would have them do some chore for me. It was a lovely system.

But, he turned 14 in February. A dollar doesn't do it any more.

He has decided that he is going to really work for real money. He is 14 after all, and that's what teenage boys do. Man work. Yard work. Clean-the-car work. I am all for it. I suggested he put a flyer up in the neighborhood. He looked at me in horror.

"You mean, work for other people?"

I do find it hard to believe that all these years of being my son has not alerted him to the fact that I don't have the going rate for lawn-mowing sitting on my counter. That's why I married, and in actuality, that's why I had a boy. I feed him for things like getting the leaves out of the pool. Pool service? Yeah, they don't take the wadded up dollars and few quarters that are in my purse. The little chores he used to do so happily for a buck? He's decided they are worth more than that--and I whole-heartedly agree...from other people.

But apparently he thinks he is going to make $200 a month from ME! He walks around the place, making a list, and granted...there are a lot of things to be fixed and worked on here.

"How much for cutting down cedar?" he asks.

(Just keep in mind there are entire businesses devoted to clearing cedar in our part of Texas, and they all charge, well...the kind of money entire businesses charge for anything).

I told him "um, $10.00, but I can't pay you until Friday".

"Done!".

Ok, this is going to be accomplished with a little handsaw, some gloves, lots of elbow grease and--did I mention?...he's allergic to cedar. I do think I'm getting a great deal at $10.00 (I think the last tree people we paid charged about $500.00 for similar work), but then again...it's only one of several $10.00 jobs he has come up with. I'm starting to wonder if DH will notice when we aren't eating meat at every meal, but the property is park-like...oh, and Rowdy has a new car.

I'm trying to gently persuade him to hit up the NEIGHBORS for the yardwork. Surely they have the money to pay a 14-year-old, scrawny but tough kid. By "gently persuade", I think I have told him in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that I can't afford him. He'll have to look elsewhere. It doesn't help that his father regales him with childhood stories of "just walking down the street with my mower and men would come out and pay me to mow just so they could keep watching the game on TV"...when we live 4 acres from the nearest neighbors and they most certainly are NOT going to let him on their tractor. Lawn mowers are things of gentility. Near neighbors are things of gentility. Here it's all about clearing pastures, fixing fences, and painting every rotting piece of wood or trim...or, what the heck, just burning it.

So, even though I really want him to receive his $10.00 a day salary from strangers, I guess I'll be dishing it out instead. Today he is going to clear the cedar from our little creek, tomorrow he'll mow...and I think he might even tackle some landscaping for me. HE thinks its big money...just don't let the labor unions get wind of it. And? Big money or small...it's still breaking MY bank.

By the way--one of his requests seemed reasonable..."Mom, I think I should get more than a dollar for hauling off the dead birds and lizards the cats kill". I couldn't agree more. In fact, earlier in the week we had all been discussing a chore price chart, but the category of "removing dead bodies" would have been vetoed by DH, so we left it off. If the bird or lizard has been around more than a day, it's a two-dollar job. If it's been around even longer...I agreed to five bucks. There are some jobs that you can't put a price on. We shook on it. I'm nothing if not fair.