And the rest of the story.....

Honestly, I thought that if you were diagnosed with any sort of cancer in this pre-socialized-medicine-United States, you would get some sort of "special" treatment. I mean, I knew it would be really too much to ask for whispered concern in the voices of the doctor's staff as I call with questions, and I knew it was beyond reason to expect doctors to return my calls promptly, if at all. But it's starting to get to the point of...yes...blog fodder in my life.

Here's how it has gone so far: Phone call 13 days ago--it was my dermatologist. You know it's going to be bad news when the doctor calls--but I was still hopeful when we were at the chatty stage and discussing my relatively non-issue basal cell that was on my leg. When she dropped the "m" bomb, I was calm and listened very carefully to her. I was NOT the hysterical hypochondriac that really lurks within me. I KNOW that she said to me that it was small, caught early, had an excellent rate for a cure (although, let's face it--none of us likes the use of "cure rates" when talking with doctors!), and that I would be having surgery in the next couple of days. In fact, she was going out of town, and the reason she was calling me now (13 days ago) was that there is a sense of urgency with melanomas and she wanted to be sure I was very clear on the specialized surgery that would be done, etc. etc.... She hung up. A few minutes later, her nurse called with the phone number of the surgeon they were referring me to. I called there and was told--I'm not kidding--that they would be out of the office all the following week for "Spring Break".

What? Cancer doctors do that? Entire office staff is gone for a week to what? Ski? Go on cruises? Party with Mickey? when I have cancer?????

I gulped and took the first available appointment. That would be March 17. That is 3 weeks since my biopsy, but hey, who cares...it's not like it's cancer, right?

Anyway, that started me on a round of phone tag with my doctor's (who was now out of town, remember...she got on that plane awfully fast after our little conversation) nurse. First, she was annoyed. "Mrs. herewegoagain, we don't have any say over Dr. Surgeon's schedule". Then, when I asked her to read my chart and see exactly what my melanoma was all about, she said, "I'll call Dr. Derma right away." (Which, frankly, worried me). TWO days later (so much for urgency), Dr. Derma's nurse called back and told me that waiting until March 17 was just fine and Dr. Derma didn't know why I felt that there was a rush. (Um, because she told me, but obviously the cancer has impaired my hearing to the extent that entire 20 minute conversations didn't actually exist. Or, yes, I really am crazy.)

Meanwhile, I went to my family doctor for a lymph node check and blood work. Here's how that went:

Phone call---

Me: "Um, hi, this is mrs. herewergoagain and I've been--gulp--diagnosed with melanoma, (pause) and um, I need to see Dr. Familyguy for lymph nodes check and bloodwork".

Dr. Familyguy's receptionist: "Sorry, he can't see anyone for a week".

Me: "Um, it was a cancer thing, and um"

Dr. Familyguy's receptionist: "audible sigh"

Me: "Um, can I see Dr. Familyguy's partner?"

Dr. Familyguy's receptionist: "Absolutely not! You are DR. FAMILYGUY'S patient. No, no. You may see his P.A. (pause) in three days."

(Can I just interject that because, yes, we do NOT have socialized medicine, each of these doctors receives $20 to $40 from me at check-in, much more later from our insurance which costs dh's employer and us $900 a month and if PEOPLE WEREN'T THEIR PATIENTS THEY WOULD BE OUT OF BUSINESS). There, I feel better now.

So, three days later I went for the check. The P.A. was 12, but that's OK, I'm used to that. She told me the blood work would be back in two days and to give them a call.

I called two days later. Got the same receptionist. She sounded astonished that I would call to see if the blood work was back in. "We usually send a postcard", she snapped. Ok, so I'm wondering how I (a simple layperson who...by the way...is now quite versed in most things melanoma related thanks to Google) was supposed to interpret my blood work via a postcard? And, let's not forget...this is all about checking for, um, cancer?

I shyly asked if my $300 worth of blood work showed anything to be concerned about. Rather than get a nurse, she went and found it on a desk somewhere and scanned it for me. "Well, you look anemic, and there are some other things in your CBC, but nothing scary". She is a secretary! She also threw out this gem (what every cancer-diagnosed patient wants to hear)..."they want a re-test in 6 weeks". Oh great. That means I'm doomed, I'm sure. She half-heartedly offered to get a nurse to call me to go over it, but I'm getting much smarter as this whole thing plays out. I quickly drove to their office to get a copy. The internet and I had an appointment that afternoon.

But even better than the internet? A dear friend offered to look over the blood work for me. She carefully went over each line item and explained why it showed I did NOT have cancer spreading rapidly throughout my body. She made me feel like I was simply a concerned patient, not a raving lunatic. Her profession? She is a veterinarian. If only I was a dog.....

Then today I called the surgeon's office with a quick question about tomorrow. The lady who answered said to me, "He doesn't do MOHS surgery on melanomas". What? I have paperwork they mailed to me. On my desk. Filled out and ready to go. Oh, and any surgery he DOES do will take place next week...a whole month from when I was first diagnosed. Tomorrow is simply a consultation. So much for "rapid" care. I explained that I was told I had to go to him because of this specialized surgery and that it was just what I needed and...and...and...

Well, of course, you know that now I am waiting for another call back from Dr. Derma.