I Passed

Today is the day I've been waiting for. It was my six-month check-up at the dermatologist. Whoopee. I just love going somewhere for a head-to-toe-to-between-toes-to-what-are-you-looking-THERE-for???? check-up.

Actually, I have been counting the days because I knew I would pass with flying colors and because I have had all these questions for my doctor that I've been DYING to ask her, but not dying enough to fork over the $40.00 copay one minute before I had to.

First one:


me: "Um, Dr. Derma, I've been reading on the internet....

Dr. Derma: "Stay off the internet"

me: (chuckling) "Oh, right. I will. Anyway, since melanoma is thought to be caused by MANY things...heredity, immune-system breakdowns, sun, etc...do I really have to stay out of the sun?

Dr. Derma: (eyeing my tan lines from the beach vacation) "Well, it looks like you haven't been. And YES, YOU DO."

me: (chastised) Well, OK, then. Can you tell me why my scar still feels "funny" after six months?

Dr. Derma: "I usually tell people to be glad they're alive".

me: (laughing nervously) "So, it's normal?"

Dr. Derma: "It's a SCAR"

Ok, so then we progressed to, "I have never seen such a variety of signs of sun damaged skin. You have this, and this, and this, and this" (ad nauseum). This was all said while I was feeling very vulnerable under the stupid paper "gown".

She finished examining things like the roots of my hair . I sat up, while she said, "I didn't see anything I wasn't happy with".

Well, I DID. I mentioned the innumerable skin issues, the rolls of fat, the wrinkles that show up oh-so-nicely under the VERY bright light. She pointed out that if I lost the fat, the wrinkles would look worse.

Wow, it was a a good day at the doctor's.


But, actually it was. She did freeze (meaning burn the heck out of) three spots and left me with a big ol' blister on my nose, my hand and my neck. Very attractive, but hopefully not cancerous. She then pronounced, once again, that she was happy with me, and that I was NOT to be in the sun any MORE, and by the way, if I see anything at all strange in the next six months I should call...and she was gone.

I am a little giddy with happiness that nothing was biopsied and I don't have to wait for lab results and a little mad that I didn't get to check off the 46 questions I have based on copious internet search and reading sad blogs. But mostly I write because if ANYONE reads this and thinks that being tan when you are young is worth going through what I just did...well, then, talk to me when you are 40. Until then, I will be slathered with sunscreen (ugh), wearing a hat (I look like a turtle in one...no neck, you see), and avoiding the sun (pale is the new tan).