What, me work?

Lately, as gas prices are zooming up to newfound heights, translating into higher electric bills, grocery bills and clothes bills (why clothes? why?), DH and I have discussed my getting a job.

Actually, I am the one thinking about getting a job now. His plans for my employment have always been more future-oriented--something like this:

Me: "How on earth are we going to pay for the kids' college?"

Him: "You'll get a job, of course."

I have always found it humorous that our college savings plan depended on a fifty-something, basically unskilled tubby lady venturing out into the work force. Seriously? What happened to putting a little money into college savings accounts starting with the little darlings' birth and continuing through their expected fantastic high school graduation gift of a new car or a trip around Europe?

Oh, right. Life happened.

Now that college costs have sky-rocketed so much to where I would need about $200,000to pay for their respective degrees, I don't feel so guilty about not saving. Because that amount couldn't have been saved. In fact, that amount can't be EARNED by me in any new career (especially since I am eyeing the night stocking jobs at the local grocery store).

I used to be a career girl. In fact, I have a vivid memory of sitting with DH in a little cafe shortly before my college graduation (we oh-so-stupidly got married in college...there is another blog there...just. don't. do. that.). Anyway, my fabulous degree in Radio-Television-Film (read: unemployment) made me think that grad school was necessary for employable attributes.

I said to him, as I leaned across the table, "I'm thinking of law school".

He leaned back towards me, "Why law school? I think you would be a great teacher. Or nurse".....


It was 1982 and I was extremely insulted by his male chauvinism. Women were supposed to teachers or nurses? Really? It was nineteen freaking eighty-three. My MOTHER had been a teacher. No way was I going to do that.

I still remember now--30 years later--that I was seriously miffed.

It all came to naught because about two months later I was pregnant with Perfect Daughter. Surprise!!!

Ok, so then I got a real job. I worked and succeeded and climbed the corporate ladder (ok, I got a raise), and about three weeks before Perfect Daughter's birth, DH and I were out and about inspecting day care centers, specifically ones that took babies at BIRTH. Because no way, no way, no way was I staying home to raise a baby. I was rather put out that the day care operators seemed to think I should try to stay home for at least three weeks. Good grief. They were as bad as those people who thought I should be a teacher because "that is a good job for a mother."

This all came to naught the minute they put Perfect Daughter on my tummy in the delivery room. No way, no way, no way was I going back to work. Of course, MY job (at the time) happened to be the higher-paying one, and the one with a future. So, as much as I wanted to be home with that cute little baby, reality struck about a month later. They called. When would I be back in?

DH sweetly suggested I stay home with her after I burst into tears when I hung up the phone. We had no money, no house, no college savings, but by golly, Perfect Daughter had me with her. At all times. Poor thing.

Through the years, I toyed with employment. I put my incredibly useful (not) degree to work by watching TV with Nielson Media Research. At age four, Perfect Daughter was in a little nursery school for a few hours two days a week, while I wrote logs on which commercials were shown in which TV markets. Yeah, that compared with lawyering for sure.

When it came time for Perfect Daughter's school, I was all over putting her in the closest private school and re-starting my "career". DH suggested I not only stay home, but that I investigate homeschooling. I fought that for a year until those early mornings trying to wake, feed and shove a six-year-old out the door caught up with all of us. So, homeschooling began. And no more "outside work" for me.

But guess what? I was a teacher.

Throughout the years, I have suggested to DH that I work nights. Or weekends. Or when the kids are off in the summer. Or, now, when they are teens and can manage mostly without me. DH has put me off again and again, reminding me that if I am gone, who will cook and clean and take the car in and drop off dry-cleaning and pick up soy milk when he is out of it?

So, now? I'm used to it. I don't WANT TO WORK. And yet, that's the college plan?

My skills are limited (due to the multiple undiagnosed strokes I'm sure I've had)...I mix up words, stumble through paperwork and can't make it out of the house without dog hair all over me and possibly a bit of breakfast on my shirt (yesterday Perfect Daughter and I had toasted mozzarella sandwiches and three hours later, after traipsing all over the mall, I saw a big piece of cheese firmly attached to my thigh). These issues do not inspire employers. They want competence. I exude incompetance.

However, that baby girl that I chose to stay home with? And I mean, really stay home with? (Poor thing,hanging with mom all day every day for 18 years...no wonder she ran to the farthest possible college that would give her a full ride!) That little girl is now such a perfecty competent lawyer (I didn't get to go to law school, but by golly, she did!) that I have a new college plan for the kids.

SHE can work and pay for it. I'll get the soy milk.